How to Include the Un-Included

Now that my wedding party is chosen, I’ve heard mumbles from people who expected to be in it. A few of these surprised me, but some I was anticipating. Obviously I can’t have a larger wedding party than I have guests, but I feel the need to respond in some way. How do you respond to those that weren’t included in the wedding party, but expected to be?

If you still want some of those people to be involved, there are several options. 

You can ask them to…

• Do a reading at the ceremony.
• Make a toast at the reception.
• Help you in smaller ways, such as making sure everyone has found their seat.
• Get their advice on topics they may have experience with (e.g. menu or dance songs).
• Be the master of ceremonies at your reception.
• Be a flower girl/ring bearer or junior bridesmaid/ junior groomsmen.
• Give a speech at your reception.
• Be the guest book attendant.

The main point here is to make people feel appreciated if you do want them involved in some way. Now that I look at the suggestions above, I may have to ask people to help with those duties because I forgot they need to get done!

If there are some people who simply cannot be involved, here are ideas of what to politely say to them:

• I need to keep the wedding party small.
• I’m only including family members (say this if you really are, and the person asking isn’t family).
• I need those in the wedding party to live close to me for the wedding preparations (if the person asking lives far away).
• I was/will be in their wedding party (possibly a fib, but if you’re desperate then try it).
• Explain that you want those closest to you at this point in your life to be chosen.
• There will be a financial responsibility involved and I know you are saving for _____ (trip, new house, education, hobby, etc).
• Or of course you don’t have to respond at all. If you didn’t lead them to believe they would be picked then they assumed they would included.

You must be reading this either for entertainment, or because you are the type of person who doesn't want to just say "f*** off" to the person who wasn't included. So, remember to not get bullied into including someone, and use these tips and advice to help you stick to your gut feeling. This will be your day, and you don’t want to have any regrets or worries.

Let me know how your situations went in the comments below, and good luck!

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey