How To Choose Your Wedding Party Members

Engagement ring? Check.
Tentative date? Check.
Wedding party? …… Not-so-checked

 

The time has come to choose my wedding party. How can I choose the select few who will stand beside me and support me through the whole wedding process? Traditionally you should have 1 usher (a.k.a. groomsman) for every 50 guests, a best man, and a maid of honor. Using this formula and matching bridesmaids to ushers, my fiancé and I know the number of people who should be in our bridal party- now we have to decide who will fill those spots. 

The ladies in the wedding party typically do more planning and organizing than the groomsmen do, however everyone will need to do their part. They will be the ones to help you plan and execute the big day, plus the smaller parties earlier on (engagement party, Jack and Jill, bridal shower, bachelor party, etc). Often we have siblings, cousins, and close friends on both sides who may be in the running to be chosen. So, when it comes time to choose your wedding party, how does one decide? 

Here are some tips to choose your wedding party members:

• Who knows both you and your fiancé (at least a little bit)?
• Who supports you as a couple? 
• Who does your fiancé get along with? 
• Who will be drama-free?
• Who do you want to be in it?
• Do you have close female family members?

Why are these points important? This is your special day, and it makes sense that the wedding party should know both the bride and groom to some extent. Usually, a bride will select ladies who are close to her for her wedding party. It makes sense then that her other half has met and hung out with these ladies at some point or another. Second, you want your bridal party to support your marriage. Having a member who may raise their hand during the “speak now or forever hold your peace” part won’t make you nor your fiancé feel good. Similarly, would you want your partner’s right-hand to try and convince them to skip out the day of the wedding? I didn’t think so.

Ideally, the bride and groom should pick wedding party members who their other half gets along with. Inter-party politics may be trickier, but your partner should at least get along with each person. Also, choose someone who does not create drama. We all know that person – the one who loves attention being on them. We love this person for their care-free, loving attitude. However, they usually create dramatic situations, could amplify already tense situations, and/or suggest behavior when the time is definitely not right. Keep this person out of your wedding party. The probable stress they will cause you and your fiancé is not worth it. Don't just include someone because of peer pressure. Remember, make sure you want them in your bridal party too.Typically if the bride has sisters or close female cousins the bride will include them in her wedding party first before adding friends.

Using these tips, we have decided on our wedding party and my fiancé and I both feel confident about our choices. Some people who thought they would be involved, but aren’t, can be given different duties to still be included. For example: to give a reading at your ceremony; a speech at your reception; making a nice toast at dinner; or being the master of ceremonies for your reception. Look for my future blog titled “How to include the un-included” for more of these ideas. 

My question to you: How did you choose your wedding party?

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey