How To Choose Your Wedding Party Members

Engagement ring? Check.
Tentative date? Check.
Wedding party? …… Not-so-checked

 

The time has come to choose my wedding party. How can I choose the select few who will stand beside me and support me through the whole wedding process? Traditionally you should have 1 usher (a.k.a. groomsman) for every 50 guests, a best man, and a maid of honor. Using this formula and matching bridesmaids to ushers, my fiancé and I know the number of people who should be in our bridal party- now we have to decide who will fill those spots. 

The ladies in the wedding party typically do more planning and organizing than the groomsmen do, however everyone will need to do their part. They will be the ones to help you plan and execute the big day, plus the smaller parties earlier on (engagement party, Jack and Jill, bridal shower, bachelor party, etc). Often we have siblings, cousins, and close friends on both sides who may be in the running to be chosen. So, when it comes time to choose your wedding party, how does one decide? 

Here are some tips to choose your wedding party members:

• Who knows both you and your fiancé (at least a little bit)?
• Who supports you as a couple? 
• Who does your fiancé get along with? 
• Who will be drama-free?
• Who do you want to be in it?
• Do you have close female family members?

Why are these points important? This is your special day, and it makes sense that the wedding party should know both the bride and groom to some extent. Usually, a bride will select ladies who are close to her for her wedding party. It makes sense then that her other half has met and hung out with these ladies at some point or another. Second, you want your bridal party to support your marriage. Having a member who may raise their hand during the “speak now or forever hold your peace” part won’t make you nor your fiancé feel good. Similarly, would you want your partner’s right-hand to try and convince them to skip out the day of the wedding? I didn’t think so.

Ideally, the bride and groom should pick wedding party members who their other half gets along with. Inter-party politics may be trickier, but your partner should at least get along with each person. Also, choose someone who does not create drama. We all know that person – the one who loves attention being on them. We love this person for their care-free, loving attitude. However, they usually create dramatic situations, could amplify already tense situations, and/or suggest behavior when the time is definitely not right. Keep this person out of your wedding party. The probable stress they will cause you and your fiancé is not worth it. Don't just include someone because of peer pressure. Remember, make sure you want them in your bridal party too.Typically if the bride has sisters or close female cousins the bride will include them in her wedding party first before adding friends.

Using these tips, we have decided on our wedding party and my fiancé and I both feel confident about our choices. Some people who thought they would be involved, but aren’t, can be given different duties to still be included. For example: to give a reading at your ceremony; a speech at your reception; making a nice toast at dinner; or being the master of ceremonies for your reception. Look for my future blog titled “How to include the un-included” for more of these ideas. 

My question to you: How did you choose your wedding party?

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey

How to choose a wedding planning book

Have you ever looked at the wedding planner section of a bookstore? There are so many options it is overwhelming! The book store I was in is a large chain and they had over 40 different wedding planning books to choose from. I enjoy having a choice, but the fact I had to decide which one will help keep me on track for my whole wedding was a daunting task.

So, how did I pick one? Other than closing my eyes, twirling in a circle with my finger pointed and choosing the book I stopped at… I had another idea. I sat on the floor of the bookstore and went through as many books as I could. Thirty minutes later I discovered that many of the books were almost the exact same – and I literally mean the exact same wording and everything! The main differences seemed to be the size and shape of the book.

Before you look for a wedding planner book, you should decide how you will be using it.

• Do you want a quick reference guide to help keep you on track?
• Do you want a file folder system to keep all of your pamphlets and receipts?
• Do you want lots of advice and tips?
• Do you need a lot of room to write notes?
• Do you need suggestions on what to ask different vendors?

Here are my tips to quickly find a wedding planner book that will be the most useful:

• Timeline. If it doesn’t have a timeline of what should get done when, then forget it. 
• Checklists. Having a lot of checklists is great, and gives you an overall view on how you are doing with the planning process.
• Budget. Make sure it shows what percent of your budget should go to each area of your wedding, and has a lot of spots to write prices down for your vendors.
• Pockets. Sure you can make your own accordion file folder style receipt holder, but in the end that’s one extra thing to manage and possibly misplace.
• Advice. Look for an advice section of the book. There are many different situations that may occur and having a go-to-guide is nice. Remember, if you can’t find a book with this section, don’t worry. The internet is a great source of information also.
• Writing space. It’s nice to have lots of room to write your own notes.

I chose The Ultimate Wedding Planning Kit  By Elizabeth Lluch and Alex Lluch from WS Publishing Group. It includes all of the above, cost $29.99 plus tax and actually came in a briefcase style with a handle. It will help me keep my book, pocket guide and file folder all in one place and be a great keepsake! The only thing I would add is a business card holder – but for now I staple any business cards onto the brochures so they don’t get lost in the folders.

Let me know how you chose your wedding planner book using the comment section below. 

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey

Insure your engagement ring to ensure peace of mind

Now that I’m engaged, I walk around with a ring on my finger. It is probably one of my most prized possessions and I check every few seconds to make sure it is still there. I am a bit paranoid that it will slip off my finger and go down the sink drain.... however, over time this has passed. But still, if I love it as much as I do, shouldn’t I insure it?

Keep these things in mind before you insure your engagement ring.

• Monetary Value – how much money is your ring worth?
• Stones – do you want to insure only your stone(s) or your stone(s) plus the band?
• Susceptibility – during your daily activities is your ring susceptible at being lost or stolen? 

Let’s look at these steps more fully. The first step before you can even ask insurance companies how much they will charge, is to know how much money your ring is worth. Usually the insurance company will want to know the number of stones in the ring and the carat of each. If you do decide to get it insured you might need to send a copy of the official appraisal (done by a jeweler) to your insurer.

Good news: if you have house or apartment insurance it is possible your ring is already covered. So call them and ask for the details! My insurance company states they cover theft or damage of an engagement ring worth $4,000 or less but does not cover “accidental loss” (e.g. losing your ring down the sink drain). 

Most insurance companies will give the option of having only the stones insured, or the band plus the stones. Another option if you aren’t too keen with the insurance companies is to go to the jewelry store the ring was purchased from. Most jewelers can provide insurance for you through their own company.

If you are still questioning if this is something you want to do, think about your daily activities. If your ring is susceptible to being lost or stolen you should lean more towards having it insured. For example, if your daily job requires you to remove your jewelry. 

Remember, over the years your situation may change. You can always add/remove insurance. So, if it doesn’t suit you very well right now, keep this article in mind for when you may need it. I have decided to get my ring insured with the company who I have house insurance with. It fit in well with the plan I already have and any extra that it cost was added into my monthly payment for simplicity.

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey

From Yes to Yikes: How to Choose the Big Date

He proposed, and I said yes! For the first few days I was in that happy newly-engaged fog where everyone cooed and awed, either caught up in nostalgia or thinking to the future of when they may be in this situation themselves. Sure, everyone asked the automatic question: when is the date? However, since the proposal just happened it was easy to get away with the response: we’re not sure yet.

Now the fog has cleared and it’s time to think seriously about when the date will be. Sure, next month sounds great, but there is a lot of planning that needs to be done and a money tree needs to be planted. For how long can we get away with avoiding the date question before I get raised eyebrows and questionable looks?

• Set your wedding date at least 1 year in advance.
• If you are picky for a venue or vendor you may have to book up to 2 years in advance.

The joint consensus seems to be that you should set your wedding date at least one year in advance. Depending on how particular you are for certain venues and vendors it could be set 2 years in advance. That sounds nice…but we aren’t even looking at venues yet! How can we pick a tentative wedding day?

• Do you have a favourite season or month?
• Will your wedding ceremony and/or reception be outdoors?
• What is the climate like in your area for each season?
• Try to avoid birthdays, other wedding anniversaries, and widely recognized holidays.
• Do you have a favourite number? Does this number fit in place of a month, date or year?
• Is there a date that is special to you and your fiancé?
  • E.g. the date you were engaged or the date you started seeing each other.
• When can you afford to get married?
• Choosing a season and year, or month and year should be good enough for right now.

A little more research unveils the average Canadian wedding in 2010 cost just over $20,000! Since we are paying for it ourselves, we have to think about finances too. Find out who is pitching in to help you pay for the wedding, and how much you will have to pay yourselves. Many couples have a Jack and Jill (also known as a Buck and Doe) a few months before the wedding to raise money.

That gives us a good starting point, and after discussing how long it will take the money tree to grow to maturity, we know the year we would like to get married. After some more conversation about which season we’d like to wed in (avoiding family birthdays and other wedding anniversaries), we get a month to go along with the year: September 2013.  Although we don’t have an exact date, and are not even close to sending out our save the date cards, friends and family who ask us “when is the big day?” will have a tentative month and year to tide them over for now. And if that isn’t good enough, they can pay for the wedding!

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey