Wedding Guest List Jitters

To help us prepare our budget, my fiancé and I need to have a good idea of how many people we will invite to our wedding. Easier said than done! After 3 hours of writing down names of family and friends the number is surprisingly larger than expected. From attending other weddings we have a number in our head of how many guests we would like to have, but the number of names we wrote down is about 40 people over. What do you do when you have not enough or too many wedding guest list names?

Who can I add to increase the guest list number? 

• Contact your close family members and ask if you have forgotten anybody. 
• Add plus one’s for the people on your list with no known partner. 
• Do up a general schematic of tables and chairs. Who will sit with whom? If you have tables with empty spaces, think of people that would get along with, or already know, those at the table. 
•  Ask your close family and friends if they want to invite anyone.
• If those in your wedding party invite a plus one, who will that person sit with? Perhaps you can invite the wedding party member’s parents or siblings if you know them. 
• Look on your social media friend lists for ideas. 
• Invite past co-workers who you got along with.

Who can I cut to decrease the guest list number?

• Have both you and your fiancé met the person?
• Have they supported your engagement?
• Are they nice to you?
• Do they cause drama?
• Do you know them?
• Plus ones.

Regarding the drama queen or king: Keep the drama out of the wedding! You don’t want to think of your wedding and the first picture you have is of Cousin Sheila asking your father-in-law to do body shots. 

Do you know the person you plan to invite? Remember, you are trying to cut people off the list. Your distant uncle who you knew when you were a child and your family hasn't spoken to since should get cut. And now, with plus ones: Not everyone needs to have a plus one. If there are many other people at the table who that person knows, then perhaps you can cut out their plus one.

Final Thoughts

Sometimes venues require you to have a minimum or maximum number of guests to get a particular ballroom. This happened with us. We had a perfect number in mind, but the venue needed at least 25 more bodies for the ballroom we wanted. So we cut down the list originally, and then added people back. What a rollercoaster - and the venue isn’t even booked yet! 

Also, remember to invite more people than you want as your final number, because it’s likely that not everyone will RSVP yes (more on that in a later blog). These tips helped us out a lot, and I hope they help you too!

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey

How to Include the Un-Included

Now that my wedding party is chosen, I’ve heard mumbles from people who expected to be in it. A few of these surprised me, but some I was anticipating. Obviously I can’t have a larger wedding party than I have guests, but I feel the need to respond in some way. How do you respond to those that weren’t included in the wedding party, but expected to be?

If you still want some of those people to be involved, there are several options. 

You can ask them to…

• Do a reading at the ceremony.
• Make a toast at the reception.
• Help you in smaller ways, such as making sure everyone has found their seat.
• Get their advice on topics they may have experience with (e.g. menu or dance songs).
• Be the master of ceremonies at your reception.
• Be a flower girl/ring bearer or junior bridesmaid/ junior groomsmen.
• Give a speech at your reception.
• Be the guest book attendant.

The main point here is to make people feel appreciated if you do want them involved in some way. Now that I look at the suggestions above, I may have to ask people to help with those duties because I forgot they need to get done!

If there are some people who simply cannot be involved, here are ideas of what to politely say to them:

• I need to keep the wedding party small.
• I’m only including family members (say this if you really are, and the person asking isn’t family).
• I need those in the wedding party to live close to me for the wedding preparations (if the person asking lives far away).
• I was/will be in their wedding party (possibly a fib, but if you’re desperate then try it).
• Explain that you want those closest to you at this point in your life to be chosen.
• There will be a financial responsibility involved and I know you are saving for _____ (trip, new house, education, hobby, etc).
• Or of course you don’t have to respond at all. If you didn’t lead them to believe they would be picked then they assumed they would included.

You must be reading this either for entertainment, or because you are the type of person who doesn't want to just say "f*** off" to the person who wasn't included. So, remember to not get bullied into including someone, and use these tips and advice to help you stick to your gut feeling. This will be your day, and you don’t want to have any regrets or worries.

Let me know how your situations went in the comments below, and good luck!

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey

Bridesmaid Meet and Greet Gift Bags

I now have a maid of honor and two bridesmaids! Although they have met each other at one point or another, I thought I would be nice to bring everyone together to get to know each other a bit more. So I invited all the ladies over to my place for a meet-and-greet, where I presented each lady with a goody bag.

I put together a goody bag for each of them – hoping this will help us kick off the wedding planning process on the right foot. I think this was a great idea because it showed my appreciation for their future hard work, and they appreciated the nice surprise.

The gift bags included:

• The Everything Bridesmaid Book: 2nd Edition by Holly Lefevre
• Wedding Party Responsibility Card by Alex A. Lluch
• Stickers with funny sayings
• Small notebook with pen
• Chocolates in a small tin

(See below for ideas on how to make less expensive versions of this goody bag.)

Inside the front cover of their book, I wrote each member a “thank you in advance” note. I personalized it by mentioning why I am glad they agreed to be in my wedding party. It was nothing longer than a few sentences. I think it is much more fun to write it in the book versus a card, that way the book can be a keepsake or memento from their adventures in your wedding.

I also gave each bridesmaid the wedding party responsibility card that corresponded to their title. This is a simple gesture to let them know you will expect a few things, and it also lets them know in advance what you will expect. I like this too because now I know what I can typically ask of my bridal party, and use this as a guideline in the future. 

The stickers with funny sayings were an idea given to me by a friend. The reality is, when you go to bridal shows, you get overloaded with pamphlets, business cards, booklets, magazines, and all sorts of sales literature. The stickers are to help you remember what you liked, didn’t like, or want to avoid at all costs. I found these stickers at a local bookstore retailer, but I’m sure they can be found just about anywhere. The phrases were: WTF; Really?; Love it!; No way!; Whatever; Not Impressed. I advised the ladies that when we go to bridal shows they should use these stickers as reminders on how they felt about that particular vendor. Then it will be much easier to combine all of our thoughts after. (Note: Look for my future blog about bridal shows and how to prepare.)

The small notebook and pen are for jotting down quick notes and ideas, and even to bring to bridal shows. The chocolates could be eaten anytime, but we all joked that they should be used when we crash from addressing invitations or are pulling all nighters to wrap up wedding favours. I bought chocolates in a tin because chocolate bars can melt and cause a mess, and tins can be reused and filled with other chocolates, mints or pieces of gum.

Homemade Goody Bags

These goody bags were at a cost to me obviously, but since the wedding is a few years away, I can justify spending the price. If you don’t have the resources to purchase these items for every member, make your own!

Book:

Find free bridesmaid advice on wedding websites and print them off on coloured paper. You can hole-punch the pages and use a ribbon or string to tie the pages together. Be as creative as you want! You could even make a title page with your wedding information. Remember to add a personalized thank you somewhere in the bag- whether it is in a card or in this booklet you made. 

Responsibility Card:

The wedding party responsibility cards can be made by hand easily. Get some cue cards (we’ve all used them for school speeches or studying at one point or another). Use a coloured marker to make it fun and write the typical responsibilities by hand on the cue card. You can find out what typical responsibilities are by searching online. Check a few websites to make sure they match because there are some whacky ideas out there!

Stickers:

If you can’t find stickers with funny sayings, make your own! Pick up a package of post-its from an office retailer and write sayings on them by hand. Get a pack that includes different coloured post-its and separate each colour into equal parts ensuring every maid gets at least ten per colour. Allocate one phrase to each colour and use a marker to write the saying over and over on each post-it, being careful to not un-stick them. Also, don’t use a marker that will bleed through. It may take some work but the sticker idea is definitely worth it! I would have at least three: Love it, Hate it and Undecided (a.k.a. Yes, No, and Maybe). 

Chocolates:

If you can bake, make a homemade treat instead! Cookies, brownies and cupcakes are easy to make and can even be found in a mix at the grocery store. If you like making smoothies mix some up for your meet and greet as a fun drink and conversation topic, and then add the recipe on a cue card in the bag so they can make it at home. You don’t have to include this portion of the goody bag if you don’t want to, but I did to act as a small treat for them. 

Let me know what you did for your goody bag. Did you add anything? How did your wedding party ladies react? If you were a wedding party member who received one, what was inside?

To have and to hold,

Elizabeth Honey